A Beauful Sunrise

Today is October 1 and the start of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  I would have loved to never know such a month existed.  Unfortunately, I know because my son Joseph Parker Nelson was born still on January 30, 2012.  It has been eight long months since I started on this roller coaster called grief.  There have been many dark spots and tunnels along the way.  At times I didn't even know if I would ever see the light again.  I have had many highs because as much as I wanted to stop it life still went on.  I have had many lows because there are some days that I am so sad I just can't bear to face the day.   There are days when I am angry and days when I am understanding.  There are days when I want to scream "Why" at the top of my lungs and days that my acceptance amazes even me.  The crazy thing is I don't know from moment to moment what my emotions are going to be.  But during this month I am going to focus on capturing those emotions and embracing them.  I am by far not a morning person.  But I got up early today.  Michael and I went out to Lake Ray Hubbard to catch a Sunrise photo that would honor our son Joseph.  I brought my camera, tripod, and a cup of coffee.  We had already scoped out the perfect spot.  Today was a beautiful day.  The sunrise was amazing.  It was hard not to look at it and see the Gory of God. I took over 100 beautiful photos.  They all had their own unique beauty.  We packed up the tripod to leave.  As we were leaving a flock of birds flew across the sky.  I flipped my camera around to try to capture the moment.  That is when we got the perfect photo.  It just spoke to us.  It had all the elements we were looking for.  It had the son coming up with the beautiful golden color, the water with the reflection of the son, the beauty of the grass, and the birds flying across the sky.  I can just imagine the glorious things Joseph is experiencing in heaven simply by looking at this photo.  It made us remember Matthew 6:26. 

 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

We are all valuable to God and he will take care of all our needs.  It was nice to be out there doing something out of the ordinary.  Even though I miss Joseph with every breath I breathe, instead of being sad today, I was happy.